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In the last Sunday Roast for a while, Gamsay bids Ave atque vale at Hillary Term. Unfazed by Union hacks knocking on his window and Torpids rowers harassing him with their 2k times, he’s put together this very special Week 7 edition and hopes to be back in shape for Trinity, provided that he is not kidnapped or imprisoned again during the Vac.
BREAKING: HILARY TERM ON THE BRIDGE OF DEATH
This week, the student population was saddened to learn that the entity known as Hilary Term 2022 was on its deathbed.
Medical professionals at the scene performed a full HT22 examination and found them to be in very poor health.
“Torn apart by 8 weeks of trial after trial and bop after bop, HT22 unfortunately won’t be with us much longer,” Dr. Buffoonery reported. “However, it’s probably for the best.”
HT22 health had been in decline since at least the 5th week, doctors said, when the effects of burnout and excessive alcohol consumption began to plague them. However, doctors believe that a particularly forceful bout of Union hacking in week 7 was the straw that broke HT22’s camel’s back.
“Good riddance,” said a grieving Corpus student when asked to express her sadness at HT22’s impending death.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT: OXSTU WEBSITE WORKS
In a first for the newspaper this term, after filing a massive exclusive in front of Cherwell, the editors of The Oxford Student were amazed to find the geriatric and flawed website working again. It came as a surprise when {“version”:”20210930″,”show_thumbnails”:true,”show_date”:true,”show_context”:true,”layout”:”grid”,,”headline”:”Related”, ,”items”:[{“id”:111099,”url”:”https://www.oxfordstudent.com/2021/06/11/breaking-mantle-and-reach-win-oxford-union-election/”,”url_meta”:{“origin”:115266,”position”:0},”title”:”BREAKING: Mantle and #REACH win Oxford Union election”,”date”:”11th June 2021″,”format”:false,”excerpt”:”Molly Mantle has been elected to serve as Oxford Union President in Hilary 2022 in a hotly-contested election. Mantle, the current Librarian and a second-year PPE student from St Hughu2019s College, received 402 first preference votes, and defeated Viren Shetty from Christ Church, the current Treasurer who had been backedu2026″,”rel”:””,”context”:”In "News"”,”img”:{“alt_text”:””,”src”:”https://i1.wp.com/www.oxfordstudent.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/union.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200″,”width”:350,”height”:200},”classes”:[]},{“id”:105144,”url”:”https://www.oxfordstudent.com/2020/11/27/breaking-create-slate-clean-sweeps-union-election/”, “url_meta”:{“origin”:115266,”position”:1},”title”: “CREATE Slate cleans up union election”, “date”: “November 27, 2020”, “format”: false, “excerpt”: “Adam Roble, a sophomore in history and politics at Teddy Hall, was elected this evening president of the Oxford Union for the term of Trinity 2021. Roble, who was secretary of the Union this term, beat Geneva Roy, the current treasurer of Brasenose College in the race for first place. Robleu2026″,”rel”:””,”context”:”In "News””,”img”:{“alt_text”:””,”src”:”https://i1.wp .com/www.oxfordstudent.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/union-hacking-no-banner.jpg?fit=1200%2C630&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200″,”width”:350,”height”:200 },”Classes”:[]},{“id”:100247,”url”:”https://www.oxfordstudent.com/2020/07/07/alumni-elected-as-oxford-union-president/”,”url_meta”:{“origin”:115266,”position”:2},”title”:”Former student elected president of the Oxford Union”, “date”: “July 7, 2020”, “format”: fake, “excerpt”: “Image description: Oxford Union Buildingu00a0 Following a victory for RON and a a second election hack, James Edward Price, who graduated seven years ago, will be the next president of the Oxford Union.u00a0 In his Manifesto, he said: u201cI am running because I think it is funny, and also because I wouldu2026″, “rel ”:””,”context”:”In "News"”,”img”:{“alt_text”:””,”src”:”https://i0.wp.com/www.oxfordstudent.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/oxford-union.jpg?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200″,”width”:350,”height”:200},”classes ”:[]}]}
EXCLUSIVE: UNION HACKS ARE NOT COOL (but you knew that)
Rordon Gamsay wasn’t particularly keen on writing a real report on this issue, stating “the headline speaks for itself”, but will comment anyway, as it’s the end of the term and actions therefore have little consequence.
This week, several members of the Oxford Union were unexpectedly contacted by strangers via Messenger, begging for electoral support. While some prefaced their posts with an apologetic warning (e.g. “sorry, incoming hack alert, sorry, please vote haha sorry”), others came up with a “campaign poster” – which looked like more to the Facebook photo of a deeply uncomfortable mother of 4 on a sports day.
Gamsay decided to ask Union members about their thoughts. The first was Lavinia Adamson, a first-year psychologist from Christ Church. “Yeah, like, I don’t really know how the Union works!” I only do part of it for the balls. They are so much fun. I got so lost on Echo Falls last time it was so amazing. But yah, like, my friend is running for something, so I just wrote a 1 next to his name, like, if he gets famous or something, you know, such great relationships to have.”
Other students, however, were not so enthusiastic. Barry and Josie, who were ambushed on their way to the Union building after a two-hour seminar on 3 hours of sleep, recounted their traumatic experience: “It was like a whirlwind. One minute you’re back in your college room ready to take a nap, and the next thing you know you’re in a weird old building ticking boxes on a pink sheet. I don’t even know what the secretary is doing.” A
After Gamsay’s investigation was completed, the general consensus seemed to be that most Union members were either indifferent to the election results or oblivious to the existence of such a phenomenon.
Gamsay would like to end by sharing a sentiment commonly expressed among his interviewees: please stop sending hacks and make friends who can vote for you uninvited!
Rodon recalled the importance of his work
While most of his reporting has a somewhat comedic tone, occasionally a story or event reminds him of the seriousness and value journalists have in the world.
Over the past two weeks, the world has watched in horror as the scenes unfolded in Ukraine following the Russian invasion. Earlier this week, a Sky News team was fired by Russian troops despite repeatedly reporting they were members of the press. Stuart Ramsay, along with cameraman Richie Mockler, were both shot but are thankfully ready to make a full recovery after being evacuated. Ukrainian cameraman Yevhenii Sakun who was covering the invasion was killed in a bombing of the Kiev TV tower. Two Danish journalists, reporter Stefan Weichert and photographer Emil Filtenborg, were shot and injured on Wednesday as they walked to a shelled kindergarten in Ohtyrka, northeastern Ukraine.
As the scale and brutality of war increases, it becomes increasingly dangerous for journalists to cover the security of the conflict. They report on the bravery of Ukrainian troops, cover up indiscriminate shelling of civilian targets, and stark reminders of the horrors that war inflicts on all participants, willingly or not. UNESCO estimates the number of journalists killed in 2021 at 55 worldwide. Risking their lives in conflicts and war zones around the world, it is through them that we are forced out of our bubbles of tranquility and forced to face hardship and suffering. we are blessed to be spared because of where we are born.
With the advent of social media, the definition of journalism is changing, and much of the images flooding the internet are of ordinary civilians holding smartphones. Hand-held videos of missiles hitting residential structures brought a new closeness to the war. Even at the national level, you have presidential shows airing on Twitter rather than terrestrial TV. Each new heinous action captured on tape urges action and help sooner, and challenges a world sitting idly by to ignore events for a moment longer.
In addition to saluting those who fight for freedom, we must pay tribute to those who are dedicated to freedom of information, truth and informed presentation. Here’s hoping they’ll be able to cover a more peaceful and safer world in the months to come.
Note: Sunday Roast is satirical and should not be considered defamatory.
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